I have no patience on Sundays.
I can’t remember who first noticed that I am quicker to temper and feel more pressure to get things done. But it is definitely true: I am practically a mom-ster on Sundays.
Kids suddenly never listen.
There is always a mess left for me to deal with.
No one knows who’s turn it is to feed the dog.
I have to do everything.
Last Sunday, my taller-than-me 14 year old attempted to mollify my Sunday irritation by saying, “Okay. Calm down,” in response to my slightly raised voice.
So, as adults reading this, I’m sure you know how well that works when it comes from a partner or other adult. Let me assure you – it didn’t work coming from my teenager.
I’m sure I’ve had better parenting moments. I could feel my brain going offline. I knew I was shifting away from my prefrontal cortex and into my limbic system… away from my reasoning self and into my reactive self. It just felt so important and *necessary* to tell him in a loud voice that FIRST – ‘calm down’ isn’t something to *ever* say to his mum, and that SECOND – it never works on anyone. Once I left the room, once I had some space, I could see that he had been trying to help. That my reaction was rooted somewhere else.
There is a line in parenting that allows for humour and lightness instead of big reactions: I’ve seen in mostly in fictional parenting, but oh, how I want that easy-ness and bigger picture perspective when parenting gets tough. It harbours just below my surface, out of reach but visible. There have been a few times that I managed it – to the utter surprise of trio! – and I’m sure that it can be more helpful than my lecturing.
Part of attachment parenting is in the repairing that comes after a break. Instead of ignoring that I lost my cool, or they said something hurtful, or that I said something mean, the point is to reconnect and grow back together. Egos have to be acknowledged and left behind to have these conversations. That’s tough to do for me – especially when I felt undermined by his Calm Down comment. I haven’t explored it very deeply: maybe because he’s male? Maybe because I’m a single mum? Maybe because I’m outnumbered? Maybe because I have control issues? That’s for me for another day.
After our conversation about why I had such a big reaction, there has been a LOT of teasing using the phrase ‘Calm Dooown’ anytime one of us shows even a little irritation at an innocent comment. Thank heavens for humour.
This Sunday had a few “Calm Down” comments – especially when we tried to navigate a completely jampacked Costco, only to find they sold out of their already cooked chickens; and when Sobey’s had the same issue (although more were coming out in “15 minutes” … but really meant 30 minutes); and when we were finishing our weekend chores. The best part was the acknowledgment that these were things that are frustrating, that we were all sharing the same annoyance, that we could use humour to lighten things up. Oh, and I’m sure they loved teasing me.
Our Sunday turned out fine. There were a few stumbles, but we can all point to the fact that it’s Sunday and that usually lifts me out of my grump enough to see some positives.
Our “funday” is usually Saturday, Sunday just is too jammed getting ready for the week. But, I think I’ll try to find time for at least an hour of free play for the 4 of us to stay connected.
We’ll try to create a partial Funday afternoon.